Good choices — I can see that in your studies you suffered through your mandatory helpings of Wharton & James.

Here are mine.

Pip, from Great Expectations: “For reasons I have never been able to fathom, I act very, very badly toward the person I owe most to in the world.” Pip’s class-consciousness is so irritatingly complete there’s not much left of a personality. Also, the puppy-dog act with Estella doesn’t make him very much more likable.

Robinson Crusoe: Can you imagine being marooned anywhere with this bore? World revolves around him and his desire to have a nice little supply of whatever material stuff happens to be on his mind. And God cares! Right. Oh, how I long to open up the book to a final chapter, penned by Friday: “Ate Crusoe today. Tasted like chicken.”

Stephen Deadalus: I like you, buddy, but sometimes you really know how to crawl up a guy’s skirt. Such an obsessive. So you had a tough childhood. The Catholic guilt, the mother, pull out his eyes, yeah yeah yeah. Look, take a bath, knock off the poetry, and get to work on the experimental novel already. And if Buck Mulligan is an asshole, then tell him to piss off and have done with it.

Gerald from Women in Love: You need to admit that you just love yourself and your own heroically gleaming body.

The Great Gatsby: Everyone.