That, I Didn’t Expect

Hi. You guys are moving me, and I’m trying to get some information about where my stuff is.


— Today’s the last day of my delivery window. And I got a call yesterday telling me that the driver would be showing up with my stuff this morning, between 9 and 12.


— It’s now 2:00.

Okay. [Faintly disguised annoyance, accompanied by much clicking in the background.] Your delivery is complete.

— What?

It says here that your delivery has been made.

— That’s not possible. I’m standing here in my apartment, where I’ve been since 8 this morning, and my stuff is not here. There has been no delivery.

Yes, there has. Your stuff was delivered to [name deleted] Van and Storage.

— No. It wasn’t supposed to go there. It was supposed to come here.

Well, you need to take that up with the broker. They sent it to [name deleted] Van and Storage.

— No. I told them and I told you the address here.

Yes, well, it was delivered to [name deleted] Van and Storage, at [address deleted].

— But that’s my address.


— That is the address of my apartment, where I am currently standing, and where my stuff is not.

— [Annoyed and befuddled silence.] Let me call you back.

— Okay.

[A long period of waiting, accompanied by heart palpitations and the serious urge to drink heavily.]

— Hello?

Hi. It’s [name deleted]. Your driver is on the way. He’s just stuck in traffic.

— So my stuff hasn’t been delivered after all.

No. There was a change of driver, so they marked the stuff as delivered for some reason.

— A change of driver?

Well, yes. [Embarrassed pause.] The first driver sort of quit.

— Quit?

Yeah. And they had to send another driver out to recover the truck in Vegas. But he’ll be there soon. I promise.


  1. One of the sentences I hope never to be on the receiving end of is “And they had to send another driver out to recover the truck in Vegas.”

    I get this image of a cartoon-style anthropomorphic moving van, bellied up to a craps table, cupping the dice in one tire, yelling “C’mon seven!” The dice are rolled and come up snake eyes, and the croupier imperterurbably uses his stick to sweep away your television set.

    Obviously, there are some problems with scale here. But I dream in old Warner Bros. ‘toons.

  2. Oh and, all whimsy aside, I hope you’ve since gotten your furniture, and it’s in good order, and the moving company has, in the moments following the total completion of your business with them, gone into bankruptcy.

  3. Stunningly, the stuff did all show up. It was thrown a bit randomly in the truck, but everything’s accounted for. It’s all in a big pile in the apartment I can’t live in yet, though, so I haven’t been able to unpack and see how much destruction has been wreaked on the stuff in the boxes. But I’m hoping for the best.

    Sadly, said company is not yet out of business, but I’ll keep working on it.

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